Before The Ice Age
by Rocky T
Summary: sequel to "Past Lives"


_Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager and all of its characters are the property of Paramount and no copyright infringement is intended._

_Story Notes: This is a sequel to _ Past Lives _; it is strongly recommended that you read that story first. It covers many of the same events of "Mosaic", but in a slightly altered Universe._

_Time frame: in the year 2358, immediately following the Icarus mission._

_With thanks to my "penpal" for giving me encouragement, assistance, and reason to spend lots of time on e-mail._

**BEFORE THE ICE AGE**

"Damn, I hate this." 

Kathryn Janeway shifted the carry-on bags so their weight was more evenly distributed and turned to her companion in surprise. "What's the matter, Justin?" 

He sighed in exasperation. "It feels like we've been standing in this same spot forever." 

"We just entered the solar system a few hours ago," she said reasonably. 

"Yes, after being in space for practically a year. And now, add up the time it's taken since the _Icarus_ docked, till it was our group's turn to transport down, then till we claimed our baggage from the cargo handling area, and now to drag everything from one side of Utopia Planitia to the other….and I bet we'll have another long wait until we catch the Earth shuttle." 

She seized on the only part of his rant that she had any control over. "I already told you I could carry my own duffel bag. Your outdated notions of chivalry are touching, but the effect is spoiled if you're going to complain." She tried to catch the shoulder strap of the object in question, but he pulled it back out of her reach. 

"No, I said I'd take it. And I did agree to let you carry my flight bag in return." 

"Yes. But you forgot to mention you packed all of the geology department's rock samples in it," she grumbled. 

"Now who's complaining?" he countered. 

"Not complaining, just stating a fact. And anyways," she glanced at him as they attempted to negotiate their way through the crowd, "even if everything is taking a lot longer than we'd like, at least I can't fault the company." 

"Ah yes, cheek by jowl with the pride of Starfleet, all 5 million of them." He gestured at the congestion of uniforms directly in front of them and narrowly missed knocking down the unfortunate ensign to his right. 

She shook her head. "I was referring to _your_ company, Lieutenant Tighe." 

"Thanks, " he said, and then lowered his voice, "but I would prefer our being someplace a little more private, where we could slip into, well, something a lot more comfortable." There was definitely a seductive note to his words. 

"Like bed?" she asked, one brow raised. 

"And you tell me I've got a one-track mind," he replied with an evil grin. 

She colored slightly. "Well, I'm happy to be with you, in any capacity. Especially after…." She did not finish her statement; she knew they were both thinking of how close they had recently come to a permanent parting of the ways. She was privately of the opinion it was nothing less than a miracle that they were together now. 

Sparks had definitely struck between them from the very first moment they met onboard the _Icarus_. They had been a study in contrasts, Janeway a green ensign, on her first deep space assignment, Justin the cocky, self-assured Engineering Liaison she'd been assigned to work with. Her appreciation for his good looks and physique had quickly been replaced by a feeling of irritation. They were continually sparring, with Janeway feeling that he was too dismissive of her, neither willing nor able to acknowledge her contributions and ideas. 

The situation changed dramatically when she was taken prisoner by the Cardassians on Urtea II. Justin, now revealed as a covert operative, led the rescue effort. They became romantically involved as a result, but it had never been an easy, comfortable relationship, mostly due to Justin's lack of openness. They had been caught in a seemingly endless loop of fighting followed by passionate reconciliation, only to experience another flare up soon afterwards. 

Breaking free of the cycle had nearly cost them everything. Janeway had been sure that it was finally over, that they would never bridge the gap that separated them. She shivered involuntarily as she recalled those moments. 

_"Please, let me in all the way, Justin," she pleaded. He hesitated imperceptibly, but then shook his head._

_"I can't," he said, his eyes full of pain. "Damn it, I'm not capable of love! I never will be able to say to you what you want to hear, I can never be the person you want me to be. Kathryn, it's just not going to work." There was a note of finality in his voice._

_"What can I do to change your mind?" she asked in desperation. "Justin, please, there's got to be something--"_

_"There's nothing you can do, Kathryn. Just move on."_

_"Is that what you really want?"_

He hadn't answered and she had turned to go, to walk out the door, and his life, forever. But then Justin had stopped her at the last moment, begged her not to leave him. He had actually said the unthinkable, told her he loved her, even asked her to marry him. 

She didn't know what had caused his sudden turnaround, but she was very grateful for it. She was under no illusions about him; she knew his faults, as well as the tremendous odds he had fought to make something of himself. But her love for him as a man was much greater than if he had been an idol set up on a pedestal for her to worship. She could not imagine her life without him; just the thought of it left a cold feeling in the pit of her stomach. Such an amazing thing that one person could mean so much, make such a difference. 

He was looking at her now with an expression that left no doubt about his feelings. "I know. And I'm glad to be with you, too. I meant it when I said you were the best thing that ever happened to me." 

She felt a warm rush of emotion. After a quick glance around to check that they were relatively unobserved, she stood on tiptoe and quickly brushed his lips with hers. With his free arm he pulled her closer, turning the quick kiss into something more substantial. 

Belatedly, they realized the line in front of them had advanced while they were otherwise occupied and they quickly moved forward. Justin's arm remained around her waist. 

A few meters further, the corridor widened and branched off. Just then, Janeway became aware that her name was being called. She looked up to see a portly, balding man in Commander's pips bearing down on them. 

"Lieutenant Kathryn Janeway?" 

"Yes, that's me." Justin unobtrusively released his hold on her. 

"I'm Commander Farrow, your father's aide." 

"Is there a problem?" she asked quickly. 

"No, everything is fine, Lieutenant. But your father is here---" 

"You mean he's in his office at Design and Fabrication?" she said in surprise. That was clear over on the other side of the immense complex that made up the Utopia Planitia Fleet Yards. Too late, she realized she had committed a breach of protocol, not to mention good manners, by interrupting a higher ranking officer. 

Farrow didn't seem perturbed. "No, actually, he's in the main docking ring of the station. The Vice-Admiral is due to leave on a mission to Vulcan at 1300 hours. He's waiting for you in the VIP lounge." 

Janeway took a step forward. Her father. It had been so long since she'd seen him, even longer since they'd been able to spend time together. Even before she'd left on her mission aboard the _Icarus_, their paths had simply not intersected for long. To be able to snatch even a few minutes with him now… 

She stopped abruptly and turned back towards her fiancé. "Justin, I—" 

He smiled indulgently. "Go ahead, Kathryn. I know you're very anxious to see him. I'll wait for you by the shuttle boarding area." 

"Thank you," she said gratefully. "I won't be long, I promise." 

"Kathryn, it's ok. Take your time." 

"I don't want you to miss the shuttle because of me." 

"I'll take the next one with you." 

"No, really. I don't want to make you wait any longer than necessary." 

Farrow had been standing patiently, but now cleared his throat. He reached for the two flight bags she was holding. "Is this all your luggage, Lieutenant Janeway?" 

"Uh, no. Actually, this one isn't mine." She handed the bag to its rightful owner. "Justin, my duffel?" 

"I think this one's yours. Nope, sorry. Here." 

Farrow took the outstretched bag. "I'll take care of it for her." 

Janeway exchanged a long glance with Justin. "Don't wait for me. I'll try to make it, but if not, I'll call you when I get to my apartment." She hoped her eyes conveyed what else she wanted to say, and do, but felt constrained by the other man's presence. He grinned, and she knew he caught her full meaning. With a mock salute, he was gone, vanished into the crowds. 

"If you'll come this way, Lieutenant. Your father is waiting." 

Edward Janeway rose swiftly from his chair when his daughter entered the lounge. He hugged her tightly, then held her at arms length. "You're looking very well, Goldenbird. Lieutenant, hmm?" 

"Just junior grade," she said, slightly embarrassed. 

"Still, you started out this mission as an ensign. This bodes well for your rapid rise through the ranks." 

She looked into his clear gray eyes, and saw the love and pride shining forth. "It's wonderful to see you, Daddy. And such a nice surprise, I certainly didn't expect it to be this soon." 

"When I heard your ship was docking today, I decided to see if I could arrange to catch you, even for a few moments. It wasn't too difficult, as I had some flexibility regarding my departure for this conference." 

"I guess being an Admiral has its privileges," she said, laughing. 

"Not really. I still have to go to this damn meeting, instead of being home when you get there." 

She looked away momentarily. "Actually, I'm not heading straight to Indiana, Dad." 

He glanced at her, curious. "I suppose it'll take a few days till they're done with all the paperwork and processing dealing with your mission, debriefs and so on." 

She swallowed. "I was planning on taking a trip first, with … a friend." 

The beginnings of a smile spread across his face. "I see. And does this 'friend' have a name? Someone I should know about?" 

"Yes, to both your questions." She paused and then went on. "Lieutenant Justin Tighe." 

He was silent for a moment. "He was stationed on board the _Icarus_, wasn't he? One of the covert operatives." 

She looked at him in astonishment. "Yes. He was officially a member of the Engineering department." 

"Don't look so surprised, Kathryn. I was aware of the unofficial role of the survey mission." 

Of course. Her father had been involved in secretive meetings and planning sessions involving the Cardassian situation for years. She couldn't remember anymore just how many special family events and occasions had been quietly missed, how many milestones in her and her sister's lives left unmarked, because her father was urgently needed elsewhere. Of course he knew what had been going on onboard the _Icarus_. "Then you also know about—" 

"Your capture. Yes. Thank God, you came out of it all right," he said quietly. 

"Thank Justin. He led the rescue mission." 

"And you ended up playing an important role in ensuring his safety as well." 

"Does Mom know what happened? We were told not to notify our families—" 

"Your mother knew, Kathryn. But not until after it was all over." 

She nodded, grateful that her mother hadn't been put through the ordeal while it was occurring. "How did she take it?" 

"She was upset, of course. But glad that you were safe and sound." Edward sighed. "Your mother still hasn't accepted the fact that my career in Starfleet leaves me open to risk. She still worries about me, but she's learned to keep it under control over the years. But the fact that her child now assumes those same risks, well, it's hard on her." He squeezed her shoulder. "She's going to want to fuss over you, now that you're home, let herself feel that for at least a short time, she's got her daughter back again. Don't stay away too long before you head home to her, Kathryn." 

"I won't, Dad. It's just a couple of weeks. Justin and I need this time, too." 

He smiled gamely as he seated himself next to her. "I'm looking forward to hearing more about this young man." 

"Well, you certainly will. Dad, how long will you be away now? Will you be coming to Indiana soon?" 

"I'll be there by the time you are, at the rate you're going," he said. 

"It's a date, then. Oh, Dad, there's so much I have to tell you, so much I want to discuss with you---" 

The door opened and Commander Farrow poked his head in. "I'm sorry to disturb you, Admiral, but your transport is due to take off soon. We really need to get going." 

Regretfully, Edward rose once more. "I'm sorry to just run off like this, Kathryn." 

"It's all right, Dad. I understand. And it was so nice to be able to see you, even for a few minutes." 

He hugged her again, kissed the top of her head. "Make sure you call your mother at your earliest opportunity." 

"I will." 

"Bye, Goldenbird. I love you." 

"I love you, too," she said, but he was already gone. 

* * *

The flicker of the comm unit caught her eye almost as soon as she stepped across the threshold of her Starfleet apartment. The rooms were small and quite sparsely furnished, done in neutral tones of beige and tan. They had a sterile, hotel-like quality to them. Janeway shrugged as she dropped her bag in the bedroom. This was only temporary. "Home" still meant the large converted farmhouse in Indiana. And besides, she and Justin would most likely be applying for couple's quarters soon, or even forsaking 'Fleet housing altogether and getting a place of their own. 

With that happy thought, she activated the comm unit. "Three messages have been received." She keyed playback and opened her bag, started unpacking. 

The first message was a standard "welcome" from Headquarters, informing her of the conditions of her lease and reminding her that there was a reception planned for 1800 that evening. It ended with a courteous notification that she report at 0800 the next morning for processing. First the social aspects, then once that's out of the way it's back to work, she thought. And doubtless there would be discussion over her next posting. 

For as long as she could remember, she had wanted a career in science. But then her mentor, Admiral Paris, had suggested she switch to command track. His arguments had been persuasive and she found herself actually considering the idea. She hadn't been able to dismiss it out of hand and the longer she thought about it, the more she began to consider it as a realistic possibility. 

The nagging thought arose that she was going to have to decide her career path soon, quite possibly sooner than she really was prepared to. If only she'd been able to at least mention it to her father today, sound him out if only briefly. She sighed, then acknowledged she was fortunate to have even seen him. 

The second message was from Justin. They had ended up travelling back to Earth on the same shuttle, after all, and she had parted from him not fifteen minutes earlier. She stared at the screen, surprised to hear from him so soon. 

"Kathryn, I'm being called in to HQ this afternoon. Shouldn't be too long, or so I hope. I'll swing by and pick you up in time for the reception this evening. See you then." He blew her a kiss before his image faded from the screen. She smiled, a little wistfully, noticing what he had _not_ said. She knew very well how much he loved her, but he still wasn't entirely comfortable expressing it verbally. 

The third and last message was from her mother. "Hello, darling. Welcome back. I'm sure you'll be calling soon, but I just couldn't wait. Your father and I missed you very much, and we're very proud of you and what you've accomplished. Talk to you soon." 

After getting a cup of coffee from the replicator in the kitchen, she sat back down at the desk console, keyed in a familiar sequence on the comm unit, and waited for a response. The image onscreen solidified into a tall young woman, whose wavy black hair framed her fine-featured face. "Phoebe! I didn't know you were home!" 

Phoebe looked over her shoulder. "Mom! It's Kathryn! Hey there, big Sis, long time no speak." 

"Hi to you too, Squirt. What're you doing there?" 

"Had a hell of a week at school, it's finals time, so I figured I'd come home for some peace and quiet to study. Also get some decent food." 

"By which I'm sure you mean caramel brownies," Janeway teased. 

"You're the one who scarfs them down wholesale every chance you get, Kathryn. But it's nice getting some home-cooking every now and then." 

"Tell me about it. I've been living on replicators for the past year." 

"And to think this is the same young lady who used to complain about having to eat real food while growing up," said Gretchen Janeway, coming into view. "Hello, Kathryn dear. How are you?" 

"Fine, Mom. I got your message. Of course I was planning on calling." 

"I know, I know. I'm just a little eager, that's all. Can you blame me?" 

"Mom, this isn't the first time I've been away. For goodness sakes, I spent 4 years in San Francisco at the Academy." 

"Transporting home every other weekend your first year," interjected Phoebe from beyond visual pickup range. 

Without missing a beat, Janeway continued, "and don't forget the time I spent on Vulcan for my doctoral research." 

"Yes, Kathryn, but you still visited occasionally and communicated regularly. I think this is the longest stretch you've been away at one time." Gretchen hesitated, "And you were never in quite the same circumstances as you found yourself on this mission." 

From the change in her mother's voice, Janeway knew exactly what was being referred to. "I'm fine, Mom, nothing happened to me." She leaned forward. "Is Phoebe still there?" 

"No, she's in the other room." 

"Well, I really don't want to discuss this on an open link anyways. But Mom, everything is all right. Really." 

"I wish it was that simple to turn off the worries, Kathryn. But I'll take your word for it. I promise I won't hover and fuss over you too much when you're home." 

"Oh, fuss away. I think I'm looking forward to the pampering." Janeway smiled. 

Her mother smiled back. "When are you coming, Kathryn? Another day or two? So I can know when to have the red carpets rolled out." 

Janeway adopted what she hoped was a casual tone. "Actually, Mom, more like a couple of weeks." 

"That long? I didn't think it took Starfleet so long to turn you loose." 

"Nothing official. I'm just going away for a little while, with a friend." 

"Where?" 

Janeway swallowed. "Risa." 

Phoebe was suddenly back in view. "Hah! I figured it had to be something like that to keep you from heading straight here like a homing beacon. So, what's his name?" 

"You're incorrigible, you know that? And still as much as of a pain as when you were eight years old." 

Phoebe refused to be distracted. "Come on, give." 

Janeway sighed. "Justin Tighe." 

"Oho! The gorgeous, yet full-of-himself, lieutenant, hmm? I guess you did find a way to 'tolerate' each other after all. Something serious going on between you or is it just one of those casual shipboard flings?" 

Thankfully, Gretchen intervened. "I'll handle the interrogations, thank you, Phoebe. Leave your sister alone. Better yet, say goodbye and excuse yourself from this conversation." 

Phoebe shrugged unrepentantly. "Fine. Catch you later, Kathryn." 

When she was gone, Gretchen turned to her older daughter. "Well? How serious is it?" 

This was not how she had envisioned breaking the news to her family. Damn Phoebe anyways. "Very serious, Mom. He's asked me to marry him." 

Gretchen was silent for a few moments. "Isn't this rather sudden, Kathryn? I mean, I know you met onboard the _Icarus_, but you couldn't have been involved for very long. And your letters didn't exactly portray him in a very flattering light." 

"Mom, it's not that sudden. Justin and I have been seeing each other for almost six months now. And I know that he's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'm looking forward to bringing him out to Indiana with me, so you'll have an opportunity to meet him and see for yourself just what an incredible person he is." 

Gretchen sighed. "I didn't mean to sound negative, Kathryn. You know that whoever you choose is going to be acceptable to your father and me. We trust your judgement. I just want you to be happy." 

Janeway looked straight into her eyes and said quietly. "He makes me very happy, Mom. I've never felt this way about anyone before." 

Gretchen smiled then, and Kathryn knew that her mother understood. "Then I'm happy, too, Kathryn. And your father will be very interested in the latest developments." 

"I saw Dad today, at the station. Just for a few minutes." 

"Oh, he was hoping he'd be able to catch you before his transport left. I'm glad he did." Gretchen paused, and then went on, "Well, even though your father is away, I still want to see you before you go running off to Risa. Either you 'report home' for dinner in the next day or two, or I'm warning you, Kathryn, I'm coming to San Francisco." This was said lightly, but there was no mistaking the commanding tone in her voice. 

"Which parent is the Admiral, again? I get confused," Janeway said, laughing. "All right, Mom. Better whip up a batch of brownies, I'll be there, I promise. And now I've got to finish getting organized over here. There's a 'welcome back' reception at HQ tonight and then tomorrow I've got processing. I'll call to let you know what time you can expect me." 

"All right. Goodbye dear." 

"Bye, Mom. And tell Phoebe," she paused. "Tell Phoebe she's a pain but I love her anyways." 

* * *

Justin was almost an hour late. She alternated between the window and the door, hoping to catch sight of his arrival. When she heard the door chime, she pulled it open hurriedly and gave him a quizzical glance. "Where have you been? I was starting to wonder what had happened to you." 

He shrugged apologetically. "Meeting ran longer than expected." 

"You expect me to fall for the old 'meetings at HQ' excuse, huh?" She leaned toward him conspiratorially. "You'll have to come up with a better line than that." 

"Fine, she simply wouldn't let me go, even though I told her my fiancée was expecting me." 

"'She.'" Janeway gave him a look. 

"You know how demanding these mistresses can be." 

"Uh huh." 

"Yeah, you're right, it doesn't ring true. No one could be more demanding than you." 

"Thanks. I'm glad to know you appreciate me." 

He sighed and held up his hands in surrender. "Before I dig myself in any deeper, how about we head out to this damn reception?" 

As much as she was enjoying his discomfort, she decided to take pity on him. "That's the best offer I've had in the past six hours. Let's go." 

When she entered the hall on Justin's arm, Janeway drew a sharp breath. The room was overflowing with Starfleet's finest in full glittering splendor. The crews of several ships were all gathered together this evening. Janeway glanced around, picking out the friends and comrades she had spent the past 12 months serving with. 

Her former roommate, Ensign Sally Rhodes, caught her eye as she passed by with a distinguished-looking gentleman in civilian attire. Rhodes grinned and gave her a thumbs up. Janeway blushed. She and Justin had tried to be very discreet about their relationship on board ship and this was the first time they were making a public statement of their involvement. 

After exchanging pleasantries with a few of the other officers, Justin swung her out on the dance floor. She settled in his arms and caught the look in his eyes. It was wonderful to be with him like this. She loved the feel of him, appreciated once more his innate grace of movement. 

"I didn't know you were such a good dancer, Justin," she murmured, leaning her head against his shoulder. 

"Lots of practice, with all the Admirals' daughters, like those there." He indicated some young women standing nearby, dressed in rather provocatively styled gowns. Justin apparently had their undivided attention. She could certainly understand why. He cut quite a dashing figure in his formal dress uniform. And he was most definitely aware of, and enjoying, the attention he was attracting. 

"So I see," she said dryly. "Did I mention that I'm an Admiral's daughter too?" 

He laughed. "Relax, Kathryn. I much prefer a woman in uniform." He bent his head down and, his lips tantalizingly close to her ear, whispered, "Actually, I prefer her out of the uniform, but I suppose I'll have to wait a little bit longer for that." 

"Ahem. May I cut in?" She turned to see Admiral Paris looking expectantly at them. 

Justin relinquished her and moved off with a smile. She twisted her head to see where he was headed. With a small amount of relief she saw him go over to the bar, pointedly in the opposite direction from the interested cluster of women. 

Admiral Paris had a pleased if somewhat smug expression on his face. "Well, it certainly looks like you've been busy since I left the _Icarus_, Lieutenant." 

She acknowledged his comment. "It's been a very interesting several months." 

"He's a fine young man, Kathryn. I'm very happy for both of you." 

"Thank you, sir. You did have a lot to do with throwing us together in the first place." 

"I'm more than willing to take credit for the match, but I suspect there was a lot more to it than just assigning you to work together." 

"If anything, that was more of a detriment, especially at the beginning," she laughed. 

"Tighe can be tough to deal with, no question about it, but you've certainly got many of the same qualities which make you more than capable of coping. I'd put my money on you any day." He paused. "Now, have your romantic pursuits taken up all of your time, or have you been giving any more thought to my suggestion?" 

"You mean about switching to the command track." 

"Yes. I meant what I said, Kathryn. I think you'd make a damn fine captain." 

"I don't know if I'm cut out for military pursuits, Admiral. I'm a scientist, first and foremost." 

"Come, come, Kathryn. You know as well as I do that Starfleet's primary purpose is exploration. We're only military in so far as it helps protect our interests. And anyways, I have no doubts as to your ability to handle yourself under fire. We've already seen that, haven't we?" 

She acknowledged the truth to his statement. "I need to give it some more thought." 

"Well, you're going to have to decide very soon. This isn't an official query, you know. But tomorrow—" 

"Yes, I know." 

"One last thing and then I'll drop it. Don't you want to be the one in command of scientific expeditions one day? Explore new phenomena in sectors where no Federation ship has ever been?" 

She couldn't deny the basic attraction of the images his words conjured up. As James T. Kirk had once said, Starfleet's mission was "to boldly go where no man has gone before." It was very much on her mind as the music ended and she went in search of Justin. 

She found him still at the bar, deep in conversation with another man who quickly moved off as soon as he noticed her coming towards them. 

"Who was that?" she asked curiously as she watched the man retreat through the crowd. 

"Oh, just a friend," he said casually. 

"Your friend have a name?" 

"Why do you want to know?" 

"Just wondering." 

"His name is Sloane." For some reason, Justin seemed uncomfortable. 

"Is he in Starfleet?" 

"Did you see him wearing a uniform?" 

"No." 

"Then why'd you ask?" 

She really couldn't see the point of continuing this conversation and was ready to drop it. "I was just wondering why he left as soon as I approached." 

"Coincidence." He drained his glass in one gulp and set it down. She couldn't be certain but there seemed to be an air of tension about him that hadn't been there moments earlier on the dance floor. He motioned for a refill and then said, "Do you want something to drink?" 

She gave the bartender her order and changed the subject. "By the way, you should know you've been granted the official Admiral Paris 'seal of approval.'" 

"I wasn't aware that I needed his approval, or anyone else's for that matter." This was said evenly enough but she could detect the irritation below the surface. 

"You don't need any one's approval, Justin, except for mine, and you've already got that." She searched his face, wondering what was bothering him. 

He relaxed suddenly. "Sorry. I'm just being a little defensive, that's all." 

"About what?" 

"I don't exactly come from the same background as your family, Kathryn." 

"Don't be ridiculous. You think I care about family, or connections? Justin, it's you that I love. Not an image, not a resume." She put her hand on his arm. 

He squeezed her hand, then lifted it to his lips. "You make it sound so easy." 

"It really is." 

He sighed. "I think we've put in enough of an appearance here. Are you ready to go?" 

"Sure. Just let me go over and say a few words to Commander T'Por first." 

Back at her apartment, they quickly adjourned to the bedroom. Justin was usually a considerate lover, but that night he surprised her with just how tender and solicitous he was. Afterwards, she sighed contentedly. "God, I love you." 

He was playing with the long strands of her hair that lay across his shoulder. "I love you, too, Kathryn. I don't want you to ever doubt that." 

"I don't have any more doubts where you're concerned." 

"That's good." He hesitated, and then went on. "I know a lot of our earlier problems—" 

"It's all right, we got past that." she said, laying her fingers on his lips. "Justin, I know you're trying." 

"But you never seem to have any trouble." 

She raised herself up on one elbow, to better see his expression. "Justin, I grew up in a very different environment than you did. God, when you told me about your past—" 

He held up a hand to forestall any further comments. "Please, Kathryn." 

"All right, I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. But the point is, circumstances have made me more used to expressing what I feel." She hesitated and then went on. "But Justin, I would like to ask you something." 

He was suddenly wary. "Yes?" 

"Why did you ask me to marry you?" 

"What kind of a question is that? Because I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you." He seemed genuinely puzzled. "Why else do people propose?" 

"I just want to make sure you really meant it, that you weren't just doing it because you were afraid of losing me," she said quietly. 

He was silent for a few moments. "I admit that may have been a factor, a _small_ one. But Kathryn, I don't have any regrets, and I don't want you to think I didn't mean it." 

"As long as you don't feel like you were forced into this—" 

He silenced her quickly with a kiss. "My God, Kathryn, how could you ever think that? Let me show you just how much I really care." 

"You've shown me quite nicely, thanks. But it's not just giving love, you have to be able to accept it as well." 

"You seem to have this need to make up for everything bad that's ever happened in my life, Kathryn. Almost as if you felt personally responsible." 

"No, that's not it." She shook her head. "How can I explain it to you?" 

"I don't need mothering." 

"That isn't quite what I had in mind." She leaned over and kissed him hungrily, her lips parted and her tongue seeking entry. He responded with alacrity and started to ease her over on her back, his hands already working their magic on her more sensitive areas. She stopped him. "I want to make love to you this time, Justin." 

"I'm not exactly used to being 'passive.'" 

"No one would ever accuse you of that," she said, pushing him back down and beginning to leave a trail of kisses as she worked her way downward. "Now just shut up and let me love you." 

* * *

She woke slowly, stretched leisurely, her arm reaching out across the bed. When her fingers made contact with only the sheets she opened her eyes and looked around the room. 

"You're awake." Justin leaned over her. She saw to her disappointment that he was already dressed. 

"What time is it?" she said with a yawn. 

"0530. I've got to head back to my quarters before my first appointment this morning." He grinned. "I can't exactly show up at HQ in what I had on last night, now can I?" 

"I suppose not," she said, wishing they were already on Risa, or at least somewhere that duty didn't beckon so insistently. She shifted to a sitting position. The sheet fell down, leaving her bare above the waist. She caught the look in his eyes and smiled slowly. 

"Not playing fair, Kathryn. You know I've got to go." His hand slowly wandered down the curve of her shoulder to her breast. 

She leaned into his hand. "I'm not playing anything. I am _very_ serious." Their eyes met and then Justin, with a muffled oath, gave in to the inevitable. 

They didn't leave for Risa till almost a week later. Much to her surprise, Janeway found that the 'Fleet processing machinery moved much slower than anticipated. She also spent an unforeseen additional two days undergoing a comprehensive debriefing about her experience in the Cardassian prison camp. She couldn't help but wonder why, so many months later, Starfleet evidently considered it so important. Justin hadn't volunteered anything and she didn't want to ask, sure that it would touch on too many sensitive issues. 

She was also beginning to wonder just what was going on with him. He spent several hours a day in meetings at HQ and she was sure it had to do with his next posting, the details of which he had carefully refrained from mentioning. She would bet her last credit his new assignment had nothing to do with Engineering. 

Next assignment. She grimaced. Starfleet was quite insistent in knowing her intentions. She had three weeks in which to decide. The _U.S.S_. _Hyperion_ was due to depart within the month for a long-range mission and her name was under consideration in the science department. As a lieutenant she would occupy a more prominent position in the hierarchy; it was a good slot for furthering her career and a chance to do some interesting work as well. On the other hand, the next intake class at Command School was beginning in a few months. If she chose to be a part of it, she would be assigned to temporary HQ duties in the interim. 

Justin wasn't being much help. When appealed to for advice, he would only say that it was her call and she had to decide what she truly wanted. She acknowledged that he was right. 

She was determined to forget about anything related to Starfleet during their vacation and even more determined that Justin do so as well. He seemed to be more tense with each passing day and she was damn well going to make sure that he got a chance to relax thoroughly. She wondered once or twice if some of the stress was due to their engagement and not just work-related. 

As it turned out, she needn't have worried. She would later look back on that two week interlude as an idyllic time of peace and contentment. Justin was as thoughtful and caring a lover and companion as she could have wanted, their time together everything she had dreamed it would be. Every sunset over Risa's magnificent beaches, every look they shared, every time they made love—she had never known such happiness. 

All too soon, it was over and they went back to reality. But, Janeway thought, even reality was looking pretty good these days. 

* * *

The late afternoon sun was slanting through the windows, speaking of lengthening shadows, when Justin entered her apartment at breakneck speed. "Hi. Sorry, am I late?" 

"No, but if you'd come in another five minutes, you would be," Janeway said. She noted he was still in uniform. He must have come straight from HQ. She smoothed down the skirt of her dress. "We're due at my parents' for dinner within the hour." 

"Okay, I'm ready whenever you are." They left the apartment together and proceeded to the central transporter area. 

She couldn't keep herself from asking. "Nervous?" 

"No, should I be?" He really did look calm, not like someone meeting his future in-laws for the first time. 

"No. They're going to love you as much as I do." She glanced over at him. "Are you sure you don't want to stay overnight?" 

"I really don't think that would be a good idea, Kathryn. I can't imagine that your parents would like the idea of us sleeping together under their roof." 

She looked at him in disbelief. "You know, every now and then you come up with the strangest ideas. I assure you, my parents are under no illusions as to what I'm doing when I'm not in their house. They've figured out I'm no longer a blushing virgin," she said pointedly. 

"I can verify that last part, although, you have to admit, you still have a tendency to blush. Be honest now, would you really feel comfortable making love in your childhood room?" 

"And what makes you think you'd be the first one I'd sleep with there?" She gave him a sidelong glance. 

"Oh really? I'd like to hear this one." 

"Sorry, we don't have time. You'll have to wait to hear the full details about my teenage years." 

As they stepped onto the pads Justin turned to her. "Seriously, Kathryn, if you want to stay, go ahead. I've got an early morning meeting, but your schedule is clear. You may as well take advantage of it." The transporter effect took hold and they blinked out of existence, to rematerialize on an almost identical pad thousands of kilometers away in Indiana. 

They resumed their conversation without missing a beat. "If you really don't mind, I just might. It depends if my father will be home this evening or not." She sighed. "I just never seem to get a chance to talk with him. And I would really like to discuss the whole command track issue with him." They began the brief walk to her parents' home, with Janeway leading. 

"I think you're just looking for approval, like you're trying for his permission to make the change. Do what _you_ want to do, Kathryn. You're a big girl now, this is your life you're talking about." 

"You don't understand. Of course I'm going to make up my own mind. I just want to know his opinion." 

"And mine and Admiral Paris'…You know what's missing from this equation?" 

"I know what you're going to say. And for that matter, yourinput _is_ very important. This can certainly affect how much time we get to spend together as a married couple, at least for the next few years." 

"I suppose you're right." He took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. "But I still say you have to decide this one for yourself. Sorry, Kathryn." 

"Speaking of which, have you received your next posting yet, Justin? You haven't said anything about it." 

"Yes, I have, actually. I'm going to be based in San Francisco, for the time being." 

"Not serving on a ship?" She couldn't keep the surprise out of her voice. 

He shrugged. "That's the way it looks, at least for now." 

"Sorry, I can't see you in a desk job. What will you be doing?" 

He hesitated. "I can't be more specific. It's one of those 'need to know' areas." 

She nodded, knew not to try to press further. Instead she said lightly, "You mean you'd tell me, but then you'd have to kill me." 

"Exactly." 

"Sounds like a line from a bad holonovel." 

"How would you know? I didn't think you liked thrillers, thought you preferred those sappy Gothic romances." 

"Well, just because they're not my usual entertainment fare doesn't mean I'm not familiar with them. And don't knock my romances, they have a lot to recommend them." 

"Oh, yeah? You're going to tell me there's actually something of literary value in those things?" 

"Of course. It's a classic archetype—the beautiful, idealistic young heroine, the dark and brooding stranger. She's irresistibly drawn to him, against her better judgement." 

He said teasingly, "And when she discovers his deep and terrible secret, what then?" 

"Why, she redeems him with her love, of course. Don't ever underestimate the power and determination of a woman in love, Justin." 

Their eyes met. "I hope he realizes how incredibly lucky he is." 

She smiled. "Well, she has to remind him of it every now and then." 

"He'd better do everything that he can to make her happy." 

"He does, Justin, he does." 

* * *

Gretchen opened the door and drew her daughter into an embrace. "Hello, darling." 

"Hi, Mom." She turned to the man standing at her side. "Mom, this is Justin Tighe. Justin, my mother, Gretchen Janeway." 

"How do you do, Mrs. Janeway. It's a pleasure to meet you." 

Gretchen gave him a look that her daughter was most familiar with. "Please, don't be so formal, Justin." She reached over and kissed him on the cheek. "Welcome to the family." 

Justin smiled, his patented impossible-to-resist version. "Thank you. And it's certainly a nice welcome to have a beautiful woman deliver such a warm greeting." 

Gretchen laughed. "Oh, he's a real charmer, Kathryn!" 

A voice called out from behind her. "Well, are you going to let him come in so the rest of us have a chance to meet him or not?" 

Gretchen took his arm and brought him inside. "This is my husband Edward, and my younger daughter Phoebe." 

Edward held out his hand. "Good to meet you, Justin. I've been hearing some very nice things about you." 

"Thank you, Admiral." 

Phoebe appraised him frankly. "Well, I think I'm going to have to revise my opinion of Kathryn's taste in men. Not bad, Sis." 

Kathryn gave her a look. "He's taken, Phoebe." 

Gretchen interrupted the banter to insist they all adjourn to the dining room. Over a wonderful dinner, the conversation was very lively, covering a variety of topics. To Kathryn's dismay, a large part of it consisted of relating embarrassing stories from her childhood. 

She bore with equanimity her father telling how four year old Kathryn used to like to sit under the desk in his study. "I'm glad to hear she doesn't do that anymore," said Edward, his eyes twinkling. 

"Oh, no, she uses a chair like everyone else," replied Justin. 

Phoebe had a great deal to add, from Kathryn's disastrous early tennis experiences and her walking several kilometers home in a rainstorm after losing a match, to various other half-remembered bits of childhood trivia. Kathryn sat with an amused half-smile, checking now and then to see how Justin was reacting. But when the dessert was served and her first attempt at swimming the quarries on Mars was mentioned, she sat up and paid closer attention. 

"So there she was, all of 14 years old, and she was determined to explore the Cave Mons system." 

"Alone?" Justin asked. 

"No, she was with Hob—" 

"Good Lord!" exclaimed Kathryn. "Hobbes Johnson. That's a name I haven't heard in ages. What's he doing with himself these days?" 

"I think he's in South America," put in Gretchen. "But I can't recall offhand what he's doing." 

"An old boyfriend of yours?" asked Justin.   


Before Kathryn could say anything, Phoebe laughed. "Anything but! Kathryn simply couldn't stand him." 

"Oh, come on, that's not true," Kathryn protested. "He was a very nice person, but we were always just friends." 

"So I guess he isn't the one you were telling me about on our way over?" Justin said. 

"Don't even get started on Cheb Packer," Kathryn threatened her sister, with a laugh. Phoebe reluctantly closed her mouth, and then was distracted by the entrance of her dog into the dining room. 

"I put your dish in the kitchen for a reason, Blanca," Gretchen said, addressing the very large and furry animal who was regarding the table with soulful eyes. "Don't you dare, Edward!" she admonished her husband, caught in the act of slipping a tasty morsel under the table. 

"Oh, Mom," said Phoebe. "Have a heart." She knelt down and scooped her pet into her arms, began crooning, "There, there, sweetie, Grandma didn't mean it." 

"I am _not_ that animal's grandmother. Sorry, that position is reserved for Kathryn and Justin's children, and yours too eventually, if you can bring yourself to narrow the field of candidates." 

Everyone laughed. Blanca took this opportunity to wriggle away from Phoebe and take a closer survey of the table. In doing so, she brushed against Justin's leg. He flinched. 

Phoebe looked at him in surprise. "She's just a dog, Justin, not much past a puppy. She doesn't bite." 

Justin had grown noticeably paler. Kathryn knew immediately what was going through his mind, since it was in her thoughts as well. 

_The Cardassian released his hold, and the huge, snarling Toskanar beast tore towards them. Toskanars were a type of canine, but no Terran dog had razor sharp claws like that, nor a double row of giant fangs. Justin, broken leg and all, threw himself into its path, hoping to shield her from the almost certainly fatal attack. Kathryn screamed as she saw those wicked claws and teeth rip muscle and flesh from his body. She grabbed a nearby tree branch and smashed it into the beast's skull with all her might._

"Mom's right, Phoebe. The dog belongs in the kitchen." Her voice sounded unusually harsh in the silence. 

"What's gotten into you?" demanded Phoebe. "Even if your fiancé the Starfleet hero is afraid of a harmless little pup, I seem to recall that you at least like dogs." 

Kathryn grabbed her sister's arm and pulled her into the other room. Once the door had closed behind them, she turned on her in a fury. 

"What's gotten into me? What the hell is wrong with you, Phoebe? How dare you sit there and insult the man I'm going to marry? You have no idea what you're talking about, you don't know anything about him, so just shut your God damned mouth." 

"Would you listen to yourself? What are you getting so excited about? Awfully defensive, aren't you, Kathryn? What's the matter, you can't stand the thought that maybe your perfect man actually has some flaws?" 

Kathryn was fighting to calm down. When she spoke, her voice was very low, and cold. "Justin is an incredible person, Phoebe. You have no idea what his life has been like, what he's had to overcome, what tortures, and I mean that literally, he has suffered. But you, you're such an insensitive clod, you just say whatever the hell you feel like saying and never mind anyone you hurt along the way." 

Phoebe was angry as well. "Sorry, I'm not a mindreader, Kathryn. I think you're overreacting, for a change." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"You used to have a sense of humor. You used to be able to handle a little teasing. You also used to like dogs. Now it seems like you've changed into a spineless little sap, all 'yes, dear', 'no, dear', 'whatever you want, dear' type. You should have heard yourself at dinner tonight, so sweet and deferential to him. You used to have a mind of your own. What happened? He must have really fucked your brains out, literally." 

Kathryn grabbed Phoebe's arm once more. She was so angry she could barely see straight. "That's about what I'd expect from someone with your juvenile mentality. Maybe one day you'll grow up, Phoebe, you'll fall in love with someone and realize that in a relationship, the other's person's needs are as important as your own. There are two people to consider, and you have to be aware of the feelings of the one you care about." 

Phoebe shook off her hand. "If falling in love means totally subverting your identity, I'll pass, thanks." 

The door opened and Gretchen came in. Both of her daughters jumped. With one look, their mother was capable of making them feel as if they were squabbling children. Gretchen glanced from one to the other. When she spoke, her voice was dry and measured. "Well, at least you had the sense to close the door and keep your voices down, so the whole neighborhood didn't have to hear you." 

Kathryn was the first to recover. "Yes, well, I suppose we should be grateful for that." She pushed past her sister into the dining room and then halted in surprise. "Where's Justin?" 

"Your father took him into the study for a quiet talk. As you'd expect from a prospective father-in-law." 

"Fine. I'm going to get some air. When Justin is finished with Dad, please tell him where I am." The back door banged behind her. 

Kathryn Janeway stood outside in the yard, looking up at the stars. It was a clear, crisp autumn night and the heavenly display was breathtaking. She breathed deeply, her nostrils twitching appreciatively at the familiar and comforting odor of the leaves beginning to accumulate on the grass. By day the trees were a glorious blaze of color, but in the moonlight their shadows had a certain beauty of their own. She shivered and rubbed her bare arms, but was reluctant to go back inside just yet. 

After a long time, she heard the door open behind her and crunching footsteps make their way over. A pair of arms went around her waist. She leaned back against the solid warmth of Justin's chest and sighed. 

"Are you all right, Kathryn?" 

"Yes, I'm fine. Sorry. Phoebe always did rub me the wrong way, even when we were children." 

He kissed the side of her neck. "Sibling rivalry?" 

"Maybe. Phoebe and I are very different, for the most part, but I guess in some ways we are a lot alike." 

"God help us, another Janeway running around with your temper." 

She changed the subject. "How did it go with my father?" 

"Remembering what you said about what Traditionalists your parents are, I formally asked him for your hand in marriage, which he was more than happy to bestow. And wait'll you hear what kind of dowry he's willing to part with, just to get rid of you." 

"Very funny." 

"Seriously, we had a nice talk, mostly about Starfleet. He showed me the plans for the new ship he's designed—amazing!" 

"Well, he is the head of Starship Design and Fabrication, after all. So you hit it off, that's good." 

"I like both your parents very much, Kathryn. And your sister means well." 

"Yes, whoever said the road to hell is paved with good intentions definitely had her in mind." She was quiet for a minute. "Are you leaving now?" 

"Yes, I should really get going. Are you planning on staying here overnight, or are you coming back with me?" 

"Would you mind terribly if I did stay?" 

"I already told you it's okay. I'll see you tomorrow, all right?" 

"I'll walk you back to the transporter center. Just let me get a sweater first." 

* * *

After seeing Justin off, she walked slowly back to the home where she had grown up. She let herself in to the silent house and made her way to her father's study. She tapped lightly at the door. 

"Come in." 

"Dad?" 

Edward put the down the padd he was holding. "Have a seat, Kathryn. Did Justin leave already?" 

"Yes, a few minutes ago." 

"I'm surprised you didn't go back as well." 

"I wanted to talk to you. It seems we never have a chance to spend much time together any more." 

He sighed. "It certainly seems that way, doesn't it?" He deliberately got up from behind the desk, walked around and sat next to her on the couch. "Well, here we are now." 

Several disjointed thoughts ran through her mind. Now that she finally had this time, what did she want to say, what to bring up first? He surprised her by speaking again. 

"It struck me, this evening, just how much of your childhood and growing up I missed. I realized I knew the stories up till you were about school age, and then the rest were just memories of things your mother had written, or told me about, after they had already happened. I'm sorry, Kathryn." 

His words brought an unexpected rush of tears to her eyes. "You did what you had to do, Dad. You had certain obligations and responsibilities to uphold. I'm not blaming you, not now." 

"Not now," he echoed sadly. "Still, that's a rather mature and reasonable attitude for you to have. I honestly didn't expect you to be quite so understanding." 

Phoebe's words ran through her mind again, about her refusing to acknowledge that someone she loved wasn't perfect. She sighed; she still had her father up on a pedestal. She wanted to be able to adore and worship him, but at the same time she needed someone more accessible. To her dismay, a tear escaped and ran down her cheek. Edward saw it, reached over and pulled her into his arms. 

"What's the matter, Goldenbird?" His voice was so warm and comforting, brought back memories of the soothing words she heard when she awoke from bad dreams, or the distant murmur of his musings she overheard from her position at his feet while he worked away at his desk. 

She rubbed at her eyes ineffectually. "Nothing's wrong, Daddy. I just…I just want to know that I'm important to you." 

"You are important to me, and I'm proud of you, Kathryn, for the things you've accomplished so far, and for the woman you've become. Even if I didn't have as much of a hand in it as I would've liked. I would like to keep building on the relationship we already have, and get to know my daughter as she is now." 

"I'd like that, too." 

He made an attempt to change the topic to something less sensitive. "I spent quite an enjoyable hour with Justin." 

"He told me you showed him the plans for your new ship." 

"Yes, the _Terra Nova_. It'll be ready for its first long-range test flight in another few weeks. Justin's amazingly perceptive, Kathryn. He was able to pick up right away on the new design innovations and what their implications would mean." 

"He _is_ an engineer, Dad. Despite his other, well, 'pursuits.'" 

"And that's exactly what makes him uniquely suited to appreciate just what it is I'm trying to do here. In all seriousness, I think I'm going to see about getting him assigned to the later phases of the project, at least as far as the testing is concerned. The class of ships was designed with the Starfleet Rangers Corp in mind as the primary pilots, you know." 

"Keeping it all in the family?" 

"Why not? He is qualified. I just hope he's available. I'm afraid, though, that HQ probably has him slated to ship out again in the not too distant future." 

"Actually, I think he's doing a stint in HQ itself. I'm not very clear on the details." 

"Hmm. This may work after all. Speaking of assignments, Kathryn, I didn't have a chance to ask you about your plans earlier. I presume your leave is nearly up." 

She shifted in her seat. "I wanted to discuss that with you, Dad. I've applied for a spot on the _Hyperion_." 

"Sounds promising. But I get the feeling there's something more?" 

She took a deep breath. "I'm thinking of switching out of the science track." 

He looked at her in astonishment. "Really? But that's what you've always wanted, ever since you were old enough to decide you wanted to join Starfleet. Would you really resign your commission?" 

"No, I said switch. I'm considering command." 

He was silent for a few moments. "What brought this on?" 

"A conversation I had with Admiral Paris, after the incident on Urtea II. He told me I had displayed certain qualities which are essential for command and that I should consider a career change." 

"Well, if Owen mentioned it, I'm sure you took it very seriously." She looked at him sharply, wondering at the unfamiliar note in his voice. He saw her look and interpreted it correctly. "Sorry, I'm just a little jealous of the influence Owen has had. It seems like he's got a much stronger connection to you these days than I do." 

She sighed, suddenly remembering a not dissimilar conversation she had once had with Justin over her relationship with Admiral Paris, although Justin hadn't been concerned about being supplanted as a father figure. She leaned forward. "Dad, Owen Paris has been my teacher and mentor, and in many ways a friend. But you're my father, and no one is ever going to replace you." 

He smiled, a little ashamedly. "I'm not being very fair right now, am I? I didn't take the time and trouble to be involved in your life, and now I'm acting as if I resent Owen for stepping in to take up the slack." He patted her arm apologetically. "So, what are you going to do?" 

She exhaled deeply. "I'm not sure, Dad. I honestly don't know what I want to do with my life." 

"I have no doubts that you'll succeed in whatever you set your mind to. What's Justin's take on all this? You have asked him, I presume, particularly since you plan on getting married." 

"He says it's my call, that he'll support whatever decision I make." 

"Ah, I knew I liked that young man." 

"So much for Phoebe implying that he's brainwashed me." She tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice. 

He looked at her. "That's an issue for another time, your relationship with your sister. Your mother filled me in on what went on in the kitchen between the two of you while Justin and I were in here." He got up, and was soon back with two mugs of hot chocolate. "Here, we may as well get comfortable. Now, tell me, what's on your mind, why you're finding this decision so difficult to make." 

"It's not as simple as listing the pros and cons on a padd and seeing which column is longer. No, I feel pulled in two totally different directions and I just can't reconcile them." 

"All right, let's look at this from another angle. Remember when you decided to join Starfleet?" 

She smiled. "I was nine years old and we had just come back from a weekend at Lake George. The whole Janeway clan was gathered together. We took an aircar instead of transporting, because we just had too much stuff, and we passed over the Millennium Gate." 

"And your Aunt Martha, delighted at finally finding a fresh audience, spent the weekend regaling you with stories about our ancestor, Shannon O'Donnell." 

"One of my earliest heroes." 

"I think I still have that composition you wrote for school, 'Who do I Admire?', lying around somewhere." 

"God, I'd forgotten about that thing. But yes, that was definitely the catalyst. She was an explorer, a real maverick, and that's what I wanted to be, too." 

"I thought so. That was the same year I took I took you on your first trip off-planet, to Mars." 

"Yes, and you introduced me to your staff as a future Starfleet cadet. That basically sealed it." 

"So tell me, Kathryn, what does Starfleet mean to you now?" 

"As strange as it seems, it hasn't really changed much over the years. The chance to make new discoveries, to explore the unknown." 

"And how do you feel you can best serve that need—as a science officer, or as the commander of a vessel?" 

"Ordinarily, I'd say as the commander." 

He looked surprised. "Even though that would mean you would basically be giving up the role of practicing scientist? You'd be commanding people to carry out scientific investigations, not doing them yourself." 

"Not quite. As captain of a science vessel, I'd be setting the direction of the research. I'd be integrating all of the individual pursuits and be able to concentrate on the overall picture." She paused. "But I don't know if I'm entirely comfortable with the other aspects of the captain's role." 

"What are you referring to, the diplomatic and cultural contacts with alien races?" 

"No, the military component." 

"Starfleet isn't primarily a military organization, Kathryn." 

"Yes, I went through this with Owen Paris. But you can't deny it's there. Look at what happened on the _Icarus_ mission, when we tried to combine a strategic goal with a scientific one." 

"I wish I could say that's the exception, but unfortunately it's not. Look at what I've been doing in my department. Our big project of the last decade has been the _Galaxy_ class ship, designed to carry a crew of over 1000. As one of my people says, it's practically a floating city. The technical and engineering implications are intriguing. But instead of devoting myself fully to this design, I've been forced to delegate a lot of it and instead have been concentrating on developing a fighter craft, in between attending briefings on the worsening relations with the Cardassian Empire." 

"So in other words, you're telling me that it's impossible to just devote myself to pure science, that there will always be other factors getting in the way. Regardless of which track I'm in." 

"Unless you're a civilian, yes, I suppose I am. But Kathryn, follow your heart on this one. Think about what you want to accomplish in your life, not just your career, and how you can best achieve it. I've always said regrets are a waste of time, but somehow, I find myself wondering. When they look back at what I've achieved, they'll point to the ships I've designed, the innovations I've come up with. But that's not the whole picture. Family, that's what's important, Kathryn." 

All of a sudden, it was as if the last pieces of the puzzle fell into place, and suddenly she knew what it was that she was going to do. She bent over and kissed her father on the cheek. "Thanks, Dad, you've helped a lot." 

He held her tightly. "I'm glad to know that I can still play a useful role." 

"You will always be an important part of my life. Nothing will ever change that." 

* * *

Janeway stood in front of the mirror, brushing her hair. Behind her, Justin sat on the edge of the bed, pulling on his boots. "One thing you have to say about Mittern Station, the beds in the officers quarters' are certainly more comfortable than the ones onboard ship." 

Janeway laughed. "I don't think the beds were what my father had in mind when he decided to conduct the _Terra Nova'_s flight test in the Tau Ceti system." 

"Maybe." He came over and kissed the top of her head. "Mmm. I love you, you know that?" 

She turned and slipped her arms around his neck. "I love you, too. I'm really glad the _Hyperion'_s launch was delayed another few weeks so I could join you." 

"Me, too. Your father said it's sort of a family tradition for you to accompany him on test flights." 

"Ever since I was thirteen. Of course, in those days I only had to worry about missing school, not if my duty posts would interfere." 

"Speaking of which, Kathryn, any regrets about deciding to stay in science track instead of opting for command?" 

She considered the question. "No, not really. Of course, Admiral Paris is disappointed. But when you come down to it, I really don't want to give up being an active scientist." 

"That the only reason?" 

"And, of course, there's the minor detail that as a science officer I'll be able to have more of a normal family life, be able to spend time with my husband and children, than I would as a captain." 

"You'll still have deep space assignments, Kathryn." 

"Yes, there will be periods of separation. But we'll still be able to spend more time together, especially if we could get a joint assignment." 

"Hmm. Husband and wife team consisting of chief engineer and number one science slot. I like that." 

"Does this mean you're considering giving up the Rangers, Justin?" she said in surprise. 

He was silent for a few moments. "I have to say, I really like what I'm doing now, being involved in the design aspects with your father, getting to pilot experimental ships. I did start out in Engineering, you know, was only recruited for the Rangers later on. And I'm losing my taste for the covert work, especially lately." 

She thought again of the mysterious man called Sloane, and the increasing stress and tension Justin had been under. She was silently relieved to hear this. "But if it's important to you—" 

"You're important to me, too, Kathryn. Yeah, there's a certain adrenaline rush from the undercover stuff, along with the element of danger. It didn't use to matter, knowing I was putting myself at risk, because frankly I didn't have very much to lose. But now, of course, it's different." 

The look in his eyes took her breath away. She reached up and gently smoothed his hair back. He caught her hand and kissed it, then lowered his mouth to hers. It was a while before they resumed their conversation. 

"No position in Starfleet is entirely without risk, Justin." 

"Of course. But no sense in tempting fate." 

Wanting to move to less heavy topics, she said., "So it's not so bad, working for your future father-in-law?" 

He laughed. "Your old man's a real slave driver, Kathryn." 

She smiled. "I'll have to see what I can do about that, tell him he'd better not wear you out too much." 

"I think that's your department, actually." He gave her a suggestive look. 

She blushed slightly. "By the way, I spoke to my mother the other day. She wants to start planning the wedding, even though I told her we're going to wait till the _Hyperion'_s mission is concluded. Can you believe she's actually all worked up over the idea that I plan on getting married in my Starfleet dress uniform?" 

"What does she expect you to wear?" 

"You know what Traditionalists my parents are. She's got in mind a long white satin gown." She waited for his response. 

"Complete with veil and train? Like out of a historical holonovel?" 

"The very same," she said, rolling her eyes. 

"Hey, wasn't wearing white supposed to symbolize something about the purity of the bride---" 

She interrupted him hastily. "Even traditions only go so far, Justin." 

"Well, I don't really care what you wear to get married in. I'm more interested in what you'll have on later that night," he said with a leer. 

"That's already taken care of, actually." 

"Oh?" 

"Yes. A present from Phoebe. I think she meant it as a peace-offering." She smiled again, thinking of the note Phoebe had included with her gift: "if he's going to fuck your brains out, you may as well give him incentive to do it right." 

"So when do I get a preview of this amazing outfit?" 

"You don't. It's reserved for our wedding night." 

"You mean I've got to wait another eight months?" 

"You'll just have to be patient, my love." 

He pulled her close once more. "Patience isn't exactly one of my virtues." 

Any rejoinder she may have made was interrupted by the chirp of a comm badge. "Admiral Janeway to Lieutenant Janeway. Kathryn?" 

"Yes, Dad?" 

"I don't mean to be impatient, but are you and Justin planning on joining the rest of us for dinner any time soon?" 

"Oh my God, what time is it?" She stole a hasty glance at the chronometer. "Sorry, Dad, we'll be there right away." 

"Admiral Finnegan will be relieved to hear that." She heard him chuckle. "I don't know how Owen got any work out of the two of you when you were onboard the _Icarus_." 

"We were a lot more restrained in those days," Justin said, laughing. "See you soon, sir." 

* * *

Tau Ceti was a class L planet, locked in the midst of an unending ice age. The _Terra Nova_ skimmed lightly through the upper atmosphere, executing a number of complex piloting maneuvers. 

"Increase power to the inertial dampeners," Edward ordered. 

"Aye, sir." 

Janeway watched as Justin's hands flew over the controls. He seemed totally at ease in the pilot's seat, his enjoyment clearly evident. Over at the next station, Edward alternated between entering commands on his own console, with making notations in a data padd. 

"Take us up again." The view from the main viewport changed from the faint green of sky to the transparent realm of space. The stars sprang once more into view, together with a long flare from Tau Ceti's sun. 

"Hope those solar bursts don't interfere—the attitude stabilizers are highly sensitive to radiation." 

"That shouldn't be a problem," Edward said absently. "How are those hull stresses we talked about?" 

"Within acceptable parameters so far." 

"All right, on our next approach we're going to key in the warp thrusters. Let's see you put her through her paces, Lieutenant." 

Justin grinned. "My pleasure, sir." 

Janeway smiled. She was totally superfluous on this flight, but she was enjoying the sight of the two men she loved most working together in such harmony. It felt so right, somehow. Justin glanced at her at just that moment and smiled. The thought flashed through her mind that she had never been so perfectly and completely happy in her life. 

After another hour of complex flight patterns, they were nearly finished. 

"One more run should do it," Edward said, with a satisfied note in his voice. 

At first this last set of maneuvers seemed no different from any that had gone on before. Then an alarm sounded. 

"What the hell?" 

Justin checked a monitor at his side. "We're losing altitude." 

"Compensating." Edward's fingers flew over his controls. "Shut off that klaxon, will you?" 

After a few moments Justin reported, "No change." The tension was evident in his voice. Then, "Sink rate's gone critical—I can't recover!" 

The next several seconds were a jumbled montage of events. It wouldn't be until much later that Janeway would be able to properly sort them out. 

She felt disbelief that something was going wrong. Everything had been so perfect up to this point— 

She heard her father say grimly, "Brace for impact--" 

There was a confused image of ice capped mountains rushing towards them--- 

She saw Justin turn towards her, saw the look of anguish in his eyes. "Kathryn, I love—" 

Then everything exploded in a blinding burst of whiteness. 

_FINIS_

Best Destiny is a companion piece to this story, covering the same time frame as "Before The Ice Age", but from Justin Tighe's POV. "The Lieutenant" series continues with Aftermath . 

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